Being an expat is tough, but it’s even tougher to be the expat’s partner, regardless of the term we use (my preferred one is “trailing spouse,” though I understand it may feel belittling to some). When I train, mentor, or coach accompanying partners, I often encourage incorporating mindfulness into daily life. Not the trendy kind with apps and candles (unless that’s your thing), but the simple, grounding kind: noticing where you are, what you feel, and allowing that moment to just be – without judgment. It doesn’t mean you stop being proactive; it simply means you stop fighting what is in order to better respond to it. The essence of this approach is beautifully captured in the Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer, familiar to many:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
It’s not a fix-all, but it is a powerful mindset shift, especially when everything else feels out of your control.
Even though I mention a prayer here, there’s no need for you to believe in any supreme being. In fact, some people find it easier to connect with mindfulness when they don’t. After all, the whole point is to observe the present without judgment, and many religious frameworks do tend to involve some form of evaluation. That said, some sense of personal spirituality, however you define it, can be helpful but it’s by no means required. What matters is presence. Interestingly, the roots of mindfulness lie deep within the spiritual and religious traditions of the Far East, yet its practices today are widely embraced in secular contexts too.
You need to be aware that mindfulness is not a cure-all for troubled thoughts, despite what some websites trying to sell you the courses might suggest. If you’re struggling and feel unable to cope, your first step should be to seek professional medical help. After all, you wouldn’t try to heal a broken bone with positive thinking alone. Mindfulness won’t fix everything but it can support a healthier, more balanced way of living. And with regular practice, it often helps people feel more grounded, centred, and fulfilled. Simple as that.
There’s no shortage of learning resources out there, whether online, in apps, or even in your local library. If you’re just beginning your mindfulness journey, joining a group or signing up for a basic course can make a real difference. Laying a strong foundation early on will make your practice feel more natural over time. The purpose of this post is to offer you a handful of simple exercises to try out. Some may resonate with you more than others, and that’s completely fine – we’re all different. Feel free to experiment, involve your family, and share your reflections. Who knows? You might even come up with exercises of your own.
Let’s begin with my favourite breathing exercise, it’s probably not what you’d expect. This simple practice works well as a short break or as a gentle way to introduce mindfulness into your daily life. All you need is a blank sheet of paper and a marker. I personally prefer a brush pen, but any felt-tip marker will do; just choose one that’s thicker rather than thinner. Start by breathing naturally. As you inhale, move your pen upward on the page; as you exhale, move it downward. Breathe in. Breathe out. Inhale. Exhale. Don’t worry about what it looks like; this isn’t about drawing, it’s about staying connected to your breath.
When you finish, after a minute or two, take a moment to look at what you’ve drawn. What does it say about your breathing? Was it short and shallow, or long and deep? Keep the sheet for reference and compare it with others over time. With regular practice, you may notice a visible shift. This exercise is especially helpful for calming down, it can support you during moments of anxiety or even panic attacks, but it’s just as useful when you simply need to refocus. The best part? It’s simple, effective, and with time, you won’t need any tools at all. You’ll just close your eyes and imagine the motion of your breath.
The second exercise I’d like to share came about quite unexpectedly. During the pandemic lockdown, I led mindfulness sessions for colleagues from the floor of my living room, facing my green wall of houseplants. One day, as I guided the practice, my mind began to drift, a completely normal part of mindfulness, by the way, so don’t worry when it happens to you. As I gently brought my focus back, I noticed some of the plants looked a little neglected. Later that day, I decided to clean their leaves, something we all tend to do from time to time with large leafy plants. That’s when it hit me: why not turn this into a mindful moment? And so I did.
Cleaning leaves requires gentleness and care. Even with sturdy plants like my ficuses, you need to stay fully present and attentive to each movement. You take a soft cloth, lightly spray it with water, sometimes adding a drop of mild soap or plant nutrients, and begin the slow, deliberate process of wiping each leaf. It’s not a task to rush. It takes time and patience to check for hidden pests, dust, or damage, and to make sure every leaf is given the attention it needs. The rhythm of this practice naturally invites mindfulness; your focus narrows, your breath slows, and you become fully engaged in the moment.
And every time you’re required to slow down, it’s remarkable how easily mindfulness fits in. These are tasks you’d do anyway, no extra time needed from your busy day, so why not make them more meaningful and kill two birds with one stone? And while we’re at it, let’s swap that awful idiom for something gentler, like “feeding two birds with one seed” (apparently a vegan replacement suggested by PETA). In the end, both your plant and your mind will thank you.
The smell of freshly baked bread is a familiar and comforting scent, often associated with warmth, care, and home. Unlike the previous exercises, this one does require a bit more preparation. Not everyone has the time or ingredients on hand to make dough from scratch, but trust me, it’s absolutely worth it. So next time you’re doing your weekly shopping, why not slip a bread mix into your basket? These mixes usually contain just flour, dried yeast, salt, and sometimes seeds or herbs. Their shelf life is long (and yes, they still work even six months past the expiration date – been there, done that). You don’t have to use it right away, just let it sit until the right moment comes.
Using a pre-made mix is incredibly convenient. Just add warm water, maybe a splash of oil, some extra ingredients you fancy – and that’s it. But what comes next is where the mindfulness begins. Kneading the dough isn’t just a practical step, it’s a sensory experience essential to its look, flavour and taste. It takes time and care, but it’s crucial to the bread’s structure and flavour. It’s all about gluten: the proteins in flour that, when properly kneaded and fermented, create elasticity and strength in the dough. As you knead, you bring volume, blend the ingredients evenly, and get your hands into the texture – quite literally. Just remember to take off your wedding ring first; scraping dough out of jewellery is no fun, trust me! The motions are slow and repetitive, freeing your mind to focus on the feeling, the scent, the connection with what you’re making. And eventually, you get to mindfully enjoy what you’ve baked – but that’s a story for another post.
One of the first mindfulness exercises people often learn about is the classic “raisin exercise,” though you can use any dried (if it’s partially dehydrated it lasts longer) fruit – my personal favourite is an apricot because of its size and texture. Begin by placing the fruit in the palm of your hand and really see it. Observe the wrinkles, curves, and colour variations without rushing. Run your fingers over its surface: does it shift depending on the side you touch? what sensations do you notice? Bring it to your nose and take in the smell. Is it sweet, sharp, subtle? Don’t judge it, just acknowledge what’s there. Then place it in your mouth and let it rest on your tongue. Feel its texture, roll it gently, and observe how your mouth responds: are you salivating already? Begin to chew slowly, noticing how the taste and consistency change with each bite. Finally, swallow, staying with the experience as long as you can. It’s a surprisingly powerful way to connect with the present moment – one fruit, one sense at a time.
What else can you do?
Write a letter to yourself focusing on what’s positive. Be specific and personal; reflect on what you genuinely love, appreciate, and value about your life and who you are. Let your words offer comfort and encouragement, like a warm reminder of your strengths, joys, and moments of beauty. Pamper yourself with words. The act of writing this can help calm anxious thoughts and guide your body into a more relaxed, peaceful state. Let it be honest and kind, a small gesture of self-care through language.
Take a shower and bring your full attention to the sensations on your body. Notice how the water feels as it makes contact: its temperature, its pressure, the way it moves across your skin. As you add soap and begin to lather, observe the texture of the foam and how it glides under your hands. Take time to massage your scalp and tune in to whether the experience is pleasant or simply neutral. As you rinse, pay attention to how the foam leaves your body: does it wash away effortlessly, or does it linger, requiring a bit more time and water? Let the process ground you in the present.
Close your eyes and slowly guide your attention through a body scan. Begin at one end, your head or your toes, and move gradually toward the other, observing each area as you go. Notice the muscles: can you feel any tension? Try gently tightening them, then releasing: does anything shift? Tune in to your internal sensations too. How is your heart beating? Are there subtle signals you hadn’t noticed before? So many questions, I know, but have you ever paid attention to the signals your body sends you? This isn’t about diagnosing or worrying, but simply listening. You may also choose to stay focused on one specific part of your body. If so, consider gently asking yourself why that area is drawing your attention today.
This final exercise is a favourite among many of my colleagues who practice mindfulness. When stress piles up and deadlines loom, it’s easy to slip into panic mode. Stepping out of it is much harder, though. That’s when I invite you to go for a mindful walk, ideally in a nearby park or natural space. While some advocate burning off stress through intense physical activity, I suggest the opposite: walk as slowly as possible, paying close attention to each step. Notice your movements. At first, it might feel awkward or even unstable; that’s normal. You may realise that the more you try, the more effort is needed. Sometimes you may even feel like you are going to trip. Do not feel discouraged. Stick with it, and you’ll start to feel your thoughts slow down, your stress ease, and your heartbeat settle into a calmer rhythm. By intentionally slowing your body, your nervous system begins to regulate itself. Try to maintain good posture too; it helps you breathe more deeply, bringing in fresh oxygen that energises you. This is why a natural setting is important; you want clean air, not exhaust fumes. And here’s an added bonus: you’ll likely feel more restored than you would after a session at the gym.
I hope these examples inspire you to begin practicing mindfulness regularly, so you can soon experience the calm and clarity it brings. It’s truly valuable during moments of stress and anxiety, and speaking from my own experience as a trailing spouse, those moments come around often. Wishing you the best of luck on your mindfulness journey!
And if you found these mindfulness exercises helpful or have your own tips to share, I’d love to hear from you! Drop a comment below to tell me about your experiences, ask questions, or suggest other practices that work for you. Let’s create a supportive community where we can learn and grow together.
